The Justis Zone

Remember the Joy

Tue, 19 Aug 2025 18:11:29 -0400

I wish I could remember exactly where I heard this, or maybe I am bastardizing something from Marie Kondo, but “a game” I started playing with my wife is to ask her what brought her joy that day before we go to sleep. I started updating my journal (when I remember) with this same prompt when I determined that I thought my journal was a little too list-like. I found I just really wanted to try something that was different than what I was attempting before. See if that made it stick better.

So, now I ask her the question “what brought you joy today” and we talk about it. I think this is a neat little activity you could (and maybe you already do this) use to see how someone is doing. I wish I could remember where I heard this. If you did this too me and I just riffed off of that, well you got what you wanted and now I think about it. You win.

I realized a couple things about myself and the ol’ internal clockwork. I’m not always very curious about “people”, whether that is how they are or how they are feeling, or them in general. I spend a lot of time focusing on the “things.” Questions like “did you get that done” and “how is that home project coming along” and less on questions like “are you excited about this.” I just assume, incorrectly, that everyone kinda works how my brain does. So, I’ve started antognizing my own brain and those that are immediately near me.

It is a small change and I sometimes forget to do it. I should make a shitty little sticker or a phone thing or something that reminds me to “be curious about people” once a day. I mean, I am pretty good about doing my wordle and such. Getting my reading done. Etc. etc.

Let me know how you remind yourself to get things done that don’t involve getting your phone out? How did you successfully build a habit? Send me an email or text me or something. I’m curious.

Mid Year Checkin

Tue, 20 May 2025 13:28:15 -0400

Well, I think my actual “journaling” fell off sometime in April. I would have to go back and check exactly but I started to just do longer “catch up” days and those kept compounding. It defeated the whole point of the thing, which I think was something like “Write down things that happen that I think are neat.” It was a lot more of me keeping tracks of things and I had done and very little with how I felt about that specific thing.

I knew this would be an interative cycle. The important part being that I wanted to get better at writing things down in general. Making a list of the things you did and didn’t do on a day wasn’t what I had as the intention. That’s OKAY! Failure was part of the plan. Every good plan allows for it.

I mainly came back to write this out to do a couple of things - 1. Forgive myself for stopping the journal. It is okay me! 2. Update the hugo template and make sure everything worked. And 3. to put off doing something else that I should probably actually write about in my journal.

Others Goings On: I’m a little behind on book reading for the year. I’m still reading Too Damn Much but it has been a little less than I was thinking. I am also stuck reading much longer books. I want to close out some series that I started so that is the personal focus which also requires some specific head spaces to align. I’ve also started and finished some video games. Neat! I also have more outside housework than I care to admit to all trying to get done in about 3 weeks.

The Podcast is still on haitus mostly because I think C and I are still extremely busy. We’ve talked about how we specifically want to address some things and what we were actually covering (and how we were covering it) and we haven’t had the time or energy for either of us to attempt to solve that. Maybe we’ll come back to it or I’ll just keep paying for podcast hosting for something that doesn’t exist. When is the right time do pull something like that down anyway?

Starting a Journal

Tue, 21 Jan 2025 14:33:43 -0500

One of the things I’ve “joked about” when I justify making a blog post or when I do much of any sort of writing has been “to find my voice”. When I talk, I personally tend to like how I sound. That said, I am bad at having things to say that I think are “important.” This year, I have decided to change all of that with the Practice of Writing Down Dumb Shit. That’s right, I started a Journal.

I’m not doing any of these specific journal types or taking pictures and pasting them in, or really any of the things that make journals more artful and expressive. I am literally attempting to fill exactly One Page most days about mostly nothing. No more than One page either. I want to attempt to keep it as easy as possible on myself at this point in time.

Why?

Well, good question. I don’t think I know. I probably won’t go back and read it, it will not contain any profound thoughts, and it doesn’t really track anything. It’s just full of “today I did the dishes. I should pay more attention at work.” Ya know, stuff like that. I think I am searching for the ritual of the thing. At least to start. I don’t want to put more of a burden on myself to do more with it. At least, so far. I probably want to add more details about the things I read or games I am playing or SOMETHING but, that’s for later. For now, I will continue to tell nobody about how often I am running the vacuum.

2022: A Year in Review

Tue, 17 Jan 2023 00:40:42 +0000

We’re nearly three weeks into 2023 and I am finally ready to review various things that I enjoyed about 2022. If you needed to ever ask “Well, how are things going Justis?” that is about the current status. Let’s see how many of these I get through before I totally lose steam. Or drink too much of this wine I just opened. Or both.

The lists

Well, everything is in multiples of five so I have decided to only produce four lists to really make this uncomfortable in my brain.

The Five Best Ska Albums of 2022

There were more than five good ska albums in 2022. That is pretty crazy. Here are five in a list based on what I think is good.

The Ten Best Not Ska Albums of 2022

There were many more not ska albums I liked in 2022. It was easier for me to separate all of this out.

The Five Best Books I read in 2022

I read about six books that actually came out in 2022 in 2022. That is the best I have done in years. That being said, we are just gonna cover five books that I read in 2022, regardless of publishing year.

The Top Five Video Games I played in 2022

I still think it is critical that I do this and I did not even play that many video games in 2022.

The Five Best Ska Albums of 2022

These all vary in the amount and type of ska they are so this list is representative of ska and ska-adjacent music. I haven’t thought about what order I would put these in until this very moment. Even I am stressed out about what I might do. Please, lend me your strength.

5. Devon Kay & The Solutions - Grieving Expectations

Apparently I saw Devon Kay & The Solutions at Riotfest in 2021 and could never remember their name until I heard them again with this album release. That’s not because I didn’t enjoy them. It was just a long day. They are really fun and bring a great energy to their live show.

4. The Slackers - Don’t Let the Sunlight Fool Ya

The Slackers put out another album. It is good. They still got it. I will still see them every single time I can.

3. Bruce Lee Band - One Step Forward. Two Steps Back.

Bruce Lee Band is now a super group and it is flexed hard on this EP. Rosenstock, Jer, everyone is here. Each track is an absolute delight.

2. The Anchorage - Wild Stories

The Anchorage put out one of the most fun, catchy, and impactful ska albums of the year. These hooks in here? That’s the good shit. These were perfect bops leading up to and through a summer of great ska.

1. Westbound Train - Dedication

If you were to put a gun to my head right now, I would flip the top two albums every other week. In the end of November of 2022 I was in Las Vegas for a second time that year, the first time being for a cancelled music festival. I really don’t like that town and I was there by myself, hungover, and miserable. I popped my headphones on for a walk up the strip for my next work meeting and hit play on this album and transcended time and space. Walking down the disgusting strip, surrounded by places designed to bring out the worst in humans, and hearing that first chorus while wishing I was back near Cleveland was an experience that I would describe as “life altering.” I needed it then like the sports drink I was drinking for my hangover. My experience aside, this album hits hard with tracks like “Mercy, Wash Over Me,” and “Hang my Head,” while having some of the cleverest writing this year on “Gunfight,” and “Stranded.”

The Ten Not Ska Albums I Liked This Year

I am not sure that I have the capability to actually order this list? Let’s find out.

10. No Trigger - Dr. Album

An emo album that really straddles the line between emo-parody and a good emo album.

9. Belmont - Aftermath

It’s midwest emo and it’s fun. Some tracks have a little too much hip-hop-rock style influences but I still find myself humming along to the choruses even with the fake backing drums.

8. Dissidente - The War on Two Fronts

I know that this is ska-core. Go away. I made the rules and I can break them.

7. Hot Water Music - Feel the Void / The Flatliners - New Ruin

Now that these are now the same band, I never have to think about which one is better than the other one. Congratulations!

6. A Wilhelm Scream - Lose Your Delusion

A Wilhelm Scream had no right putting out an album this good. None. I am very happy they did.

5. Blood Command - Praise Armageddonism

Welcome to the “Justis needs to get pumped before pinball - the album.” I don’t know how I stumbled across a Norwegian Deathpop band as it really doesn’t sound like anything else that I listen to but, I love it.

4. Mom Jeans. - Sweet Tooth

I like Mom Jeans. I don’t really have anything to add to that.

3. Pool Kids - Pool Kids

I just think this Pool Kids album rules.

2. Action/Adventure - Imposter Syndrome

Chicago midwest smart and catchy as hell emo. This album is bangers top to bottom.

1. Carly Cosgrove - See You in Chemistry

“See You in Chemistry” just hit at the perfect really smart emo. The guitar riffs on this album are so gosh darn good that I think about them all the time. Even right now. Yes, even now.

The Five Six Best Books I read in 2022

Just add me on goodreads and keep up to date with what I am reading. I’m good for it. I read sixty-one books in 2022. Here are five. Er, six.

Ursula K. Le Guin - A Wizard of Earthsea

This is cheating because it will be one of the best books I read any year I read it.

R. F. Kuang - The Burning God (The Poppy War Book 3)

Susanna Clarke - Piranesi

Sofia Samatar - A Stranger in Olondria

Andrea Stewart - The Bone Shard Daughter (The Drowning Empire Book 1)

Lynn Flewelling - The Oracle’s Queen (The Tamir Triad Book 3)

The Top Five Video Games of 2022

Have you met video games? I really had some stuff to turn the ol’ thought box off this year. Nearly everything was very simple and easy. Am I old now? I bought a steam deck and didn’t play any of these games on it. What is wrong with me?

5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder’s Revenge

4. Vampire Survivors

3. Slice & Dice

If you have an android phone and don’t buy Slice & Dice, you are committing a crime against yourself. Take yourself to jail.

2. Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes

1. Elden Ring

Elden Ring might be one of my favorite video games ever or, it is one of the worst sequels ever designed depending on when you ask me. I actually played through Bloodborne again this year and I think I still like it over Elden Ring. My mind is fickle though and I could be convinced Elden Ring is better with a cup of coffee. I will feel this way for years until the one day I tell you Elden Ring is obviously better.

Self Doubt and Starting a Podcast

Sun, 01 May 2022 21:40:00 +0000

Current Info

Listening to: Rx Bandits

Writing habits: Ha. Funny joke, me.

Status: Headcold - minus two constitution and wisdom. Minus one intelligence.

So, I have a podcast now? I’m actually really happy with the name as the creative process about what the show could be was stuck on “what on earth do we call this?” Most of the creative process has been the two of us drinking beers and talking for years about various things but, we never really tried to structure the conversation before. I love me a good wordsmithing. I can spend whole minutes wordsmithing a whole sentence into a fine edge that I can be proud of. The difference with a podcast is that the thoughts that leave my mouth have to be good the first-ish time. I’ve never let perfect be the enemy of good enough for anything I’ve ever done (you’re reading this, aren’t you) but, it’s a real struggle when I go back and listen to myself and regret absolutely every dumb fuckin’ thing I have ever said out loud to other humans for my entire life. I have to operate under the assumption that this is normal for starting your very first ever podcast.

A thing I have found incredibly frustrating already is the fact that having a plan is hard and executing a plan is even harder. Specifically, in the first episode of the podcast, I had this idea in my head that it would sound like the two of us talking and shooting the shit like normal but instead it comes off as a dating profile. Do you know that we like long walks on the beach and books? I went back and checked it four times before the ol’ Fuck It attitude kicked in and I hit the publish button anyway. I’m still not sure I am happy with what we did the first time through but, I am incredibly excited about what we can do in the future.

One of the primary reasons I wanted to start a podcast was rooted in the idea that I tend to write how I talk. I very much like to ensure that my specific voice and what I hear in my head is what you get when you read these words. I feel like I pull that off. The minute I put a microphone in my face and record the actual words, I kinda sound like a dumbass. Or at least not as clever and smart as I would like to admit. Now, there are plenty of opportunities to hone my speaking voice and tone as we continue on. I just feel that a first episode (or an episode zero) should really get you the meat of the personalities in question.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, making something is hard. Have you tried it? Have you put thoughts together in your head of how a thing should be and then attempted to bring that very brain idea screaming into this realm of existence? It’s terrifying. I understand now that a key thing I am lacking in this regard isn’t ideas, those are somewhat cheap and easy, it’s the practice and patience to get something right. Not perfect. Just “correct.” My process to start as been very much mimicking things that I think I’ve heard be successful and having no idea if they will actually work for me. Oh, and I have none of the practice or experience to know if that will work or to pivot if it isn’t working. There is so much more for me to learn. I don’t mind the effort to accomplish that but, bringing in a whole second human is making my brain do back flips in my skull. Writing things on this blog when I feel the need doesn’t require anyone else to check. Doing a two sided conversation on a specific topic, that’s a challenge. Humans are very sticky and tactile things and self-doubt can come out as group-doubt and that’s just toxic to the whole thing.

I will say this. There are a couple things I am proud of already. I thought I did an okay job on the edit. I want things have a bit of that “live to tape” feel while also allowing us to cut out dumb video-call issues that eye contact and body language would assist with in real life. I also went ahead and added some loops I made on the korg kaossilator mobile app as a podcast intro and outro. Those tracks are actually on my soundcloud because of course they are. I also think we actually do an okay job with talking once things get going. I was also proud of myself for Shutting the Fuck Up For Once. If you have ever talked to me, I think you understand that it’s a real challenge for me to just Shut the Fuck Up.

I absolutely was tickled pink by all of the dumb administrative tasks with starting a podcast. Once we had the name I went a purchased an even more catchy domain name. I then got to go out and research MAIL HOSTS! Mail! I love it. Setting up a unique mailing address and a mail location that we can control is critical to me as it ensure we can do whatever the hell we want whenever we want to. It’s also the reason I have this blog in simple stuff like hugo. It is a priority to me that I can pick up my ball and go play somewhere else if something goes wrong with technologies or hosting outside of my control. Once we had the domain and the mail hosting, we just had to decide on a podcast host. This was harder than I thought because our show structure doesn’t really exist yet. We know we are going to do something every other week. And we have an idea on how long that thing will be (under an hour) but, I don’t want to pay for hosting of “five hours a month total with 1000 unique downloads” or some nonsense when some sites have “unlimited hosting, downloads, and length.” The last piece of that puzzle was also ensuring that I could bring the domain I purchased to the hosting solution. I wanted more than to just redirect a domain. All of the feeds and every url you see should be under my control. What does all of that do? Nothing really. But, it does allow me peace of mind that I can change my mind later if I decide something is bad or weird. That’s worth the fourteen dollars a year on a domain.

Well, what did we learn about the ol’ Justis thinkin’ machine. I demand control, I need options, I like process and procedures, and doin’ stuff is hard and scary. No revelations here, just systems operating as normal. So, go check out the podcast. Maybe by the time you’ve read this I’ve come back around on it. That’s how self-doubt works. I won’t know how I feel about anything until I’ve done it one thousand times.

2021 Game of the Year

Wed, 26 Jan 2022 22:00:00 +0000

Year Summary

One of the things that stuck out to me was how much I wanted to do the act of “grinding,” where you just do a repetitive task for moderate character improvement, in video games in 2021. It was pretty critical to helping me get through so many dang books and podcasts. I read 56 books in 2021. This was an improvement on almost zero in 2020 and virtually none since college. The repetitive grind was replicated with my domestic life as well where I did a lot of cleaning to get through some of these books. I mopped my whole house twice thanks to Brandon Sanderson. Robin Hobb kept my vacuuming on schedule. I’ve even did some driving around to finish an audio book now and then (“Well, I guess I can drive an hour and half to go get a growler of beer. Sure.”). Anyway, I put together some ordered lists of video games. Here they are.

Best Old Games of 2021

Here are the games I played in 2021 that didn’t release in 2021. I ranked five for no reason other than I like to rank stuff.

5. Picross S

I finally finished all of the puzzles. I can now move on to S2 for the next three years.

4. Good Sudoku

This is that good sudoku. There is a real chance this is the game I played the most in 2021. Grabbing the iPad, turning on some garbage book, and doing puzzles is a guaranteed good time.

3. Double Dragon Neon

I’ve never had a bad time getting drunk and playing this game with a friend. I think it’s impossible to not enjoy this.

2. Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest

The only thing I played through completion on the switch online service was Donkey Kong Country 2, the best Donkey Kong Country game. You’d think Switch Online would be better by now. It’s not. That’s wild.

1. Demon’s Souls

I really like Demon’s Souls. I cannot believe it’s been 12 years since I played it for the first time. I bought a TV and a PS3 the first time I saw the game in action. The remaster is a perfect example of why HDR is important to video games. It was a great reason to own a fancy TV then and it’s a great reason to own a fancy TV now.

Okay, so I have a rant that I put together explaining how one of the levels in Demon’s Souls is perfect level design. Lemme go grab that real quick. You can skip it if you want.

The Rant

The Shrine of Storms leads you perfectly to what might be the best encounter of the entire series.

The Silver Skeleton at the start of the Island’s Edge are excellent at reinforcing the basic mechanics of combat In Demon’s Souls and how attack interruptions work on you and on enemies. You learn and internalize this while the level design hints at ranged combat with the archer skeletons firing at you and the flying sting rays shooting the stingers. The game reinforces this with the Vanguard demon being big and present and scary, and then easily dispatched with a bow and arrow. You get through all of these encounters to finally fight the Adjudicator, which hints at ranged combat again.

You encounter one of the earliest magic damage weapons in 4-1 as well. This influences how you play 4-2, the Ritual Path. You first encounter Shadowlurkers and Reapers which reinforces and changes the expectations of how enemies behave. Shadowlurkers don’t follow the same rules as the silver skeletons as they cannot be interrupted. These mechanical changes are intended to cause confusion and ultimately fear as these enemies are dangerous and hit like a truck. The Reapers are killed easiest with fire damage to reinforce what we learned about elemental weapons in the Island’s Edge level. Then, once through the reapers, you have the most memorable NPC encounter in the series with Patches who kicks you down a hole. The boss of this area is The Old Hero. The old hero fight is great because it teaches you about boss fight gimmicks. If you listen to the hints other players leave, they will tell you a ring is important. Once you figure out that the boss is blind via mechanics and cut scene clues the ring that keeps your character silent, that didn’t really make any sense, now has a purpose. This informs you that you may need to change your equipment just for boss fights to exploit specific mechanics and behaviors.

This all fits PERFECTLY into the encounter with the final boss of the area, The Storm King. This fight forces you to do the scariest thing the game has asked of the player yet - navigate the menus to change equipment in the middle of the boss fight. Every single game mechanic, with player hints, equipment, item weight management, and the dang menu play into the encounter with the Storm King. The specific weaknesses of the boss and how you plan for them are crucial. It’s perfect. It’s the best thing in the whole series.

The Top 5 Video Games of 2021

Here are the games I played in 2021 that came out in 2021. I ordered five of them.

Runner Ups

Cyber Shadow, Loop Hero, Dungeon Encounters

5. Undernauts: Labyrinth of Yomi

Undernauts is a Japanese developed classic dungeon crawler that deals with lower social and economic classed individuals waging life-or-death battles against monsters in a dungeon for mega-corporations to harvest energy. That’s 2021, baby.

4. Monster Hunter Rise

Another good Monster Hunter game. The new movement mechanics made it easy to enjoy turning giant bird-lizards into fun coats by using a pointy stick that is also a shotgun.

3. Pokémon Unite

Sell me Pikachu wearing a luchador mask fighting a Snorlax in a Hawaiian shirt. I want more of that.

2. Mario Golf: Super Rush

This is not the best Mario Golf game. This is, however, the best Mario Golf game I have played online with friends after a late night text of “Galf?” It’s really fun to get on a voice chat and shoot the shit while getting in 18 holes. A Wiggler golfs now.

1. Bravely Default II

When I talk about “games that have that good grind in them” I am talking about Bravely Default 2. I loved exploiting the games systems to turn the boss fights into cake walks. Having the enemy heal you with every attack? That rules.

The Active Reload in Returnal Should Feel Better

Wed, 12 May 2021 21:07:33 +0000

I’m only a couple hours into the video game Returnal and I’ve come to a strange realization - The active reload is using the wrong stimuli for how my brain works. Specifically, the noise that comes from the controller, the specific way the controller rumbles, and the information presented on the screen is all wrong for what I find intuitive with a modern video game. Housemarque (the developer of Returnal) should have used the new fancy controller to provide this information in a better way. I want the new controller to bump me when it’s time to press the button.

When I am firing the gun in Returnal, the game already utilizes the triggers on the PS5 to add some pressure when you squeeze the trigger button. They also add a specific “bump” on the left trigger for the alternate fire of the weapon you are currently using. When I am using the primary fire, I squeeze the trigger until the gun is empty and then leave my finger squeezed until I want to fire the next round. While this is definitely not proper trigger etiquette, it’s a video game, I don’t care. This becomes a real problem with the active reload window appears.

The active reload window starts when the gun is empty. It is a meter that fills up under your aiming reticle and then a larger bar is inside of the smaller bar. You need to squeeze the right trigger during this window to successfully utilize the active reload and reduce the time you wait for your character to fire the gun again. The controller goes through multiple phases of rumble while the meter is filling. It does a light shake, shakes less during the active reload window, and then shakes a bit more when you miss it.

Pulling the trigger during the active reload window is specifically a problem for me because I still have the trigger squeezed until I want to fire the next round. To accomplish the active reload I need to:

unsqueeze the trigger
squeeze the trigger
during the right window

This is a real issue as my brain does not even acknowledge the first activity until the window has already started.

What I would love to see is Housemarque utilize the new mechanics in the PS5 controller and provide more information directly into my hands with either the controller lightly yet forcibly pushing my index finger back into the firing position after every shot or just doing that for when the clip is empty. There could also be better ways to implement the specific rumble of the controller to do this than the path they’ve chosen as well. The rumble changing during this window is too subtle. The visualization is also hard to see when I am focusing on a 65 inch screen and not looking directly at the right location while I move my character away from bullets and monsters while not falling off of platforms.

I listened to Episode 685 of The Giant Bombcast where host Jeff Gerstmann specifically describes issues with his ability to see and follow the active reload. This is proof that I am not alone in my ability to follow the prompts as displayed on the screen. Housemarque missed the mark on ensuring the information was clear on exactly what to do to engage with the active reload system.

I would need to go back and play some Gears of War to remember how they communicate the active reload window as well. If my memory is correct, they used a separate reload button on the controller. This would potentially ease the mental gap in the squeeze/stop/squeeze-again as it would be a new cognitive action for the player to utilize. I don’t know if that is better or worse but, I distinctly remember hitting the active reload all the time in Gears of War and it feeling amazing.

I have to assume that there may be some regulatory issues with how much force a controller can apply to your finger as forcing back someone’s tense muscle could be a potential for injury. I also don’t know if the controller can apply force on the trigger once it’s already been pulled. Either way, there are better ways to communicate this mechanic than what they’ve selected.